Unexplained [Part 3 - Hurt, A Three Part Series]
Some hurt doesn’t announce itself. It settles quietly — in our bodies, in our memories, in the spaces where we once felt safe.
Hurt – Unexplained
The first of a three-part series of articles that explores the various aspects of the word “Hurt” and how it impacts the delicate balance of life and relationships
*This content may include readings, media, and discussion around topics such as depictions of grief and loss, mental instability, and child loss. Proceed only if you are comfortable with potentially sensitive topics.
By S. E. Walker
Sometimes the most profound hurt does not come from another person. It comes from events we cannot predict, control, or even explain.
Circumstances and events that can change you forever. The change can be positive or negative. One’s environment can play a significant role in the eventual outcome of the harmful event. So, even though it’s up to the individual how they deal with a situation, having a strong base or a sound support system can definitely help.
She Loved Watching Him Squirm in His Sleep –
It’s Saturday, and a young mother of three is looking forward to spending time with her family. She has two boys and a girl. The oldest son is three, her daughter is two, and the youngest is two and a half months old. She puts her youngest down for his afternoon nap and begins working on chores around the house. His baby monitor is on, and she keeps it close to her as she moves about, keeping the volume up in case he wakes up. The baby’s crib is in her bedroom, and she needs to go there to get the laundry. As she passes by the crib, she bends down to kiss her son. She notices he doesn’t budge. He was always moving around in his sleep. He had been an active little guy during the pregnancy and remained that way once he was born. But this time, when she kissed him, he didn’t move. She touched his back and watched for that adorable squirm he always makes, but nothing happened. She quickly realized he wasn’t breathing. She scoops him up, and his little body is limp. She is horrified but begins CPR. He gasped, his little eyes opened, and he began to cry.
She is at the emergency room with her other two, scared and alone. Her husband drives trucks for a living and cannot get home anytime soon because he is across the country. She is the youngest sibling in a large family, but none of them are nearby. The hospital staff was excellent, doing everything they could to keep her calm while her infant son was being assessed. After what seemed to her a lifetime of waiting, the doctor came to speak to her. She was told that there were no signs of brain damage and that he appeared to be okay. He stated that her son would need to be closely monitored over the next 24 hours and be seen by his pediatrician on Monday. The doctor explained that they were going to provide her with a “sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS)” monitor, which would document her son’s sleep. The data would be used to gauge the necessary next steps regarding her son's care. Part of the process required her to check on him every hour for the next 24 hours.
This mother of three in a city, alone with her husband on the other side of the country, was scared to death. She was full of guilt and shame. What had she done to cause this? What did she not do right that resulted in the hurt of her baby? How could she have let this happen? She was overwhelmed by nothing but negative thoughts. Her oldest comes over and hugs her as she breaks down in tears.
“Don’t cry, Mommy. My brother is okay now.”
All her negative thoughts and fears turned to determination at that moment. She had to get it together and focus. She calls her mom and tells her what happened. After explaining to her mother about the 24-hour requirement, her mother tells her to remember that, even if you are far geographically, we are always with you. Your family will help you get through this. She had no idea how her mother could help from a thousand miles away, but the reassurance meant everything.
A Family That Refused to Leave Her Alone –
It's after midnight. The older two children are asleep, and the young mother is exhausted. She doesn’t dare go near her bed for fear that she will fall asleep. She moves her infant son in the bassinet into the living room and puts on a large pot of coffee.
She sits there with the television on low, staring at her son, thinking about how quiet it is during the twilight hours. Wondering if he was hurt in any way, wondering if there was any physical pain he went through during this horrible event. As she is about to spiral again, the phone rings, and it’s her mother. I'm just calling to check in. They talked briefly, and then she said she would check on her later. It’s about 1:30 am now; her phone rings. It’s one of her sisters. I'm just calling to check on you; the young mom is grateful. They chat for a bit, and it’s pretty helpful to her. They get off the phone. It’s now 2:30 am, and her body is trying desperately to find a nice place to rest. The phone rings, and it’s another one of her sisters. She is surprised because it’s after two in the morning. The phone rings every hour until about 8 am. By then, the husband had made it home. She found out that her mom had called the family and explained what was required, and they created a schedule for someone to call her every hour until the 24-hour monitoring period had ended.
As the next few days passed, the young mother spent much time thinking about her pregnancy. Did I do something wrong? Did I work too long while I was carrying him? She begins researching SIDS. Her son was born in 1993, a year before the *“Back to Sleep” movement of 1994. The Back to Sleep campaign was launched in 1994 by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) in collaboration with the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). The campaign has been credited with a significant decline in SIDS rates in the United States. In 2012, the campaign was renamed Safe to Sleep to reflect its broader focus on all sleep-related infant deaths, including those caused by suffocation, entrapment, and other hazards. After reading as much as she could find on the subject, she quickly realized how very fortunate she was. After multiple doctor visits and tests, it could still not be determined what caused her son to stop breathing. He was placed on a home SIDS monitor until he was 6 months old.
When Hurt Has No Explanation –
Hurt, whether physical or emotional, is an unavoidable part of life. We will all experience it in one form or another. We may try to prepare ourselves when we know about a potentially hurtful situation, or some of us even avoid relationships or certain activities entirely in the hope of being spared. Still, it seems to find you no matter what. Hopefully, when it does happen, we choose to grow from it. Mend a bond that may have been broken, work on being a better person, or perhaps tell our story to others as a cautionary tale. Maybe the best thing we can do is understand that even though getting hurt is inevitable, it is not a permanent state; it will eventually pass!
Throughout this series, we have looked at hurt caused by misunderstanding, hurt caused by the people we love, and hurt that arrives without explanation. Each reminds us of the same truth: healing often begins not with answers, but with resilience and compassion.
*While actual events inspire this story, specific names and identifying details have been changed to protect privacy. I do not consider myself a mental health expert or professional, nor should anything I write be taken as professional mental health advice.
*For more information on the Safe to Sleep campaign, visit the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development's website at https://safetosleep.nichd.nih.gov.
National grief support organizations: National Alliance for Children's Grief (NACG); The Compassionate Friends; GriefShare
Hurt changes us. Understanding it helps us keep becoming.
